come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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