got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
