TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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