When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
