I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize