Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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