I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
