Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We need to get me chipped asap
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