i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
