Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
