I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
