you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
