I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
