): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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