guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
