I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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