I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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