Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
