Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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