i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
