If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So much Jack, so little girl.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
