Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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