You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
