I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
