just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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