dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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