The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
