Swine flu. Run for my life!
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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