apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
