i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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