i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
