Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
