i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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