I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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