you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
