I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
A+ Viking dick
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
