You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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