She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
