Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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