I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
a search helicopter?!
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize