Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
