what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
