he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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