I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I looked at my own cervix.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Floor bacon is actually really good
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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