how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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