My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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