I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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