you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize