4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
