College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
