a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
