look no pants
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
