he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Your cock deserves a montage
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
