And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Randomize
