halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I want to fling myself into the sun
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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