Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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