he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize