Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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