I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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