I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
