I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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