So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
