I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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