it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think I sprained my soul last night
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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