I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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