okay pat passed out under dana's car
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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