so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
