kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
