just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
