I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
