I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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